So a little more about me as I continue my blogging journey. I realize now that I’m blogging I’m going to be sharing a lot more about myself than I would normally share with some of my closest friends.
Here we go I guess – – rip it off like a band aid – I have PCOS – ok ok – let’s go back a little bit.
Just shortly after a year of trying for a baby Josh and I determined it was time to seek out a specialist.
I had no clue where to start – fortunately I had a wonderful friend what suggested her OB to me and they had someone onsite that specialized in infertility. When I had called to set up the appointment I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
Receptionist: Hello – Blankety blank OB how can I help?
Me: Um, hi – where do I start. I need to see someone..no no. I have been trying to .. ugh I don’t know I want a baby!’
Receptionist: Oh – all the questions about how long we’ve been trying etc. etc. Would you like me to set you up with DR. A? She specializes in infertility she will be able to get you started.
Me: uh, yes?
That was one of the most awkward phone calls I had ever made! It shouldn’t have been – but then again I’m a majorly awkward person! My first appointment with DR. A we talk about how long we’ve been trying, different factors that might be causing infertility, talking options about if it could be me or my husband that is causing our infertility. Etc. etc. She gives me a lab work page filled with check marks checking for a multitude of things. It was all really a blur. The whole way home I kept thinking of that word – infertility. Why did she say it so much. Could I really be infertile? Could me – the person who grew up baby hogging at family events, baby sitting, and loving the fact I had a sister 7 years younger than me – could I really be infertile? I was numb.
After several needle pricks, blood draws and testings later I found out the results of my test – in a nut shell – I have PCOS. What is that? Polycystic ovary syndrome is a common hormone imbalance that affects around 1 out of 10 women. Okay, now we have an answer… how do we fix it. Guess what – there’s not a cure. So it was true I was infertile – not that I would never have kids that was still an unknown. However – how hard it would be to have kids was also unknown at this point as well.
Josh and I decided we would do anything it took to have a baby of our own. We jumped in feet first. Weekly DR appointments, blood tests and medicines to bring my hormones to a regular enough level to be able to take the fertility medicine my DR wanted to try on me. Finally I was at a stable enough point to be able to start taking the fertility medicine (Letrozole).
This Letrozole was something I had to take on day 3, 4, & 5 of my cycle. As I was ready to take it my DR called in my prescription and I went to pick it up – to add another hiccup in this oh so stressful moment in our lives – insurance denied the medicine. 6 pills that’s all I needed and they were $68 a pill… While standing at the Target Pharmacy counter looking the ‘male’ pharmacists in the face as he tells me this, holding back the tears, I ask can I buy just tomorrows supply? I have to take this tomorrow I don’t have a choice. He says yes but its expensive and told me it would be $68 thinking he had looked at the dosage on the bottle and would have sold me 2 pills…. nope just 1. I notice this in the parking lot at work – I could have screamed!!! As instructed the next morning I woke up super early, called the DR and the pharmacy multiple times. Finally, around noon I received word that the insurance accepted the prescription!! YAY happy dance!! I live an hour away and told them I’m on my way NOW to pick them up! The same pharmacists that helped me the day before – he informed me he would have them ready for me as if I was walking in right now to get them. I got there and he recognized me and called me over – everything was going so smooth at this point – this had to be fate! This is God’s plan I kept thinking this is going to work! So I took the meds and for the next month we tracked, we tried, we tested – negative – we failed.
You know when you study so hard for a big test and you take the test feel and 100% confident that you passed – but you get it back and failed? You know that feeling? Well this felt a million times worse. I was in a dark place it was hard, lots of tears, fights and so many emotions we were dealing with. I kept thinking well maybe this is God’s plan – maybe I have a different purpose in life than being a mom. I couldn’t believe it – I didn’t want to believe it – so we kept on.
Month 2 – took the meds as normal and we kept trucking along. you know how everyone says well at least you get to have fun while you are trying…. those are the type of people that have never gone through infertility. This time around I felt like I was just going through the motions. I didn’t even feel the need to take a pregnancy test as I figured I’d be throwing money down the drain any way. Well after a night hanging out with my cousins – and not drinking due to the meds I was on – I was the one throwing up in the morning, of course I didn’t think anything of it. A few random weird things happened like, I was always hungry and the smell of cigarette smoke just made me sick- again nothing triggered in my mind to take a test.
Well a week after our cousins get together Josh was working from home I woke up later in the morning (due to working later hours) and stood there talking to Josh for a bit since we didn’t get to see each other much any way. Well all of a sudden in the middle of his story I had to pee! I ran in to the bathroom and for some reason in that moment I thought- heck I haven’t taken a test in a while and I think I’m late. Took the test and as I reached over to pick it up and throw it away I did a double take….you are kidding me – it had 2 lines!!! I was pregnant! PCOS doesn’t have nothing on me! 🙂